I feel guilty for not keeping up with the promises to myself and not writing and publishing regularly. The sensation of sadness is even stronger as writing was always like therapy to me. It has a salutary effect on my self-esteem and definitely increases my endorphins. So why is it that if I am aware of all the above, I still sabotage my wellbeing? Was it just a flash in the pan? I spent time, energy and money and the last publication was months ago – another, “all the gear and no idea”, type of activity in my life? I have a lot of questions to which I do not yet have a complete answer. Deep inside I feel that it is different this time.
I am the type of person that appreciates the action more than the word and has a low tolerance for excuses. I also know from my studies that when you have a high expectancy of others, the expectation is even stronger of ourselves. This is why I am not saying out loud all of the excuses that are in my mind and in this way I’ve caught myself in an endless circle of not writing, feeling guilt and leaving no space to be gentle on myself all over again.
Despite the eternal youthfulness of my body 😉 I have reached the point in my life which I call adulthood, wherein I am learning how to be easy on me. Accepting that it is OK to not have plans for the day. To sleep a little longer. To just go for a walk with no destination point set. Life is my best teacher in this subject. This year I seemed to learn the biggest lesson so far. I learned how to take things easy and approach life with humility. There is space for everything, hard work, success, as well as rest and recovery. Nothing and no one can be productive and work all the time without taking breaks. Some breaks are planned and therefore natural and joyful. The problem comes when the break is forced on us, disrespectful to any plans. Some would say that this is when God laughs out loud at our intricately organised plan. Does it happen to everyone? Yes of course! All of us meet challenges on our way, we all must change the course sometimes.
My favourite saying is from Jim Rohn: “The same wind blows us all, the wind of opportunity and wind of difficulty. But it is not the blow of the wind that determines our life but the set of the sail.”
What I have also learnt is that some people approach life in a way that accepts difficulties more naturally than others. Their attitude allows them not to make a big deal out of this, I unfortunately have the tendency to over analyse and overthink and therefore needed to learn to slow down and be easy on myself the hard way.
Does slowing down and being easy on myself, forgiving and enjoying my breaks mean that I am betraying productivity? No, not at all! I still appreciate the time and acknowledge that it is never to be repeated therefore, every minute needs to be spent wisely. I only added the time for rest and doing nothing to the list of wise activities.
Time also heals and cures. The well known “24 hour rule” to gain perspective, can get deeper meaning in life when approaching a particular problem or even the combination of a few problems when looking at it from a lifelong position.
To maintain balance we need both times of extensive productivity and times for rest emotionally. For everyone the activities and their lengths will be different.
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